As someone who is extremely new to the magical world of modern dating, there are a number of nuances and rules that I have yet to catch up on. Terms like ‘ghosting’, ‘negging’, and variations of different acronyms (hmu is the most confusing, cause those are my initials) have been on my radar before, but never at the forefront of my daily life. This, needless to say, has changed, as my circumstances have, but I still feel like I am playing a game that I do not understand. An analysis of a few of my dating experiences thus far:
Problem 1: Did I ghost him? Did he ghost me? Or are we both just equally apathetic?
I think most people have been there. You go on a first date, and it’s probably a pretty good first date, at least the kind that makes you want to go on a second one. Then somewhere between the first and… I don’t know, fifth dates, it begins to feel like a chore to make plans, text once in a while, and actually have human interactions with this person.
In time, interactions become fewer, further spaced out, and eventually stop. Do you cut your losses? Do you follow up? Do you wait it out until you receive numerous 2am booty calls until you command him to stop?
Answer still unclear, will report back.
Problem 2: How do you let someone down easy without seeming like a total jerk?
There are some really cool people out there, and some of them simply are not the kind of cool that meshes well with my cool. Or rather, that meshes well with my weird. How does one approach these situations without looking like a total spazz who is also really mean?
Don’t: Accidentally ghost them. You won’t be able to sleep for weeks.
Do: Approach them with thoughtful and honest reasons as to why it won’t work out, without over-elaborating or getting into hurtful details.
*This post brought to you by the girl whose friends call her “mom”. Wonder why.
**Gonna try to take my own advice one day probably.
***Just kidding let’s be real.
Problem 3: Why. Why oh why, do they say they want to “keep it casual” and then proceed to cling to you like a bus seat to your butt on a hot day?
This one is baffling. There seems to be a stigma in the millennial culture about relationships, commitment, and what is expected of one when they’ve been on a certain number of dates. The word of choice for self proclaimed modern commitment-phobes is “casual”, which is a word I’ve heard so much it seems to have lost its meaning entirely.
To me, dating someone casually means: going on dates. Getting to know someone. Now, however, it seems to have developed into a kind of code word, for which I haven’t yet managed to find the definition.
The thing I find funny, though, is that it is often those who are most intent on being “casual” that end up being the neediest. Really, it’s okay to be needy (I’m needy as hell, just ask my friends) but it’s kind of sad to be in denial, don’t you think? This has happened to me repeatedly and I can’t quite figure it out, but I think it has something to do with fear of rejection. Not their fault, of course. The world is scary! People can be mean! But vulnerability is fun and interesting and being straightforward and not doing what society proclaims is cool is usually more interesting!
Keep it casual, or don’t, but don’t say one thing and do another. It’s deeply confusing.
Problem 4: Texting sucks.
Scenario 1: It’s 1am. You finally fell asleep and you work early in the morning. Your phone buzzes almost nonstop for 3 straight minutes. It’s two different people asking “u up?” and inviting you to come “hang”. You see? Romance is not dead kids!
Scenario 2: You’ve waited approximately four hundred years. You’ve analyzed your last message 15 times with five different people. You will never receive a reply.
In summary: I quit!
Just kidding. My mom once got mad at me for being too positive. Plus I get bored easily, so it’s nice to have new people to entertain me. More neuroses to follow, I promise! This was but Volume I of many.