It is Too Much

What does it mean when you’re unbelievably happy and yet entirely miserable at the same time?

How is this possible?

My body is giving out on me. I can’t stop getting sick. I can’t get enough sleep or make it through the day without being exhausted.

My ankle hurts. Like way more than a couple of weeks ago and I don’t know how to get it under control other than abusing my muscles at physio which in the short term just means more pain?

I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. A show and two jobs and friendships and relationships and probably moving in a month and then my sink gets clogged and I act like it is the end of the goddamn world because it genuinely feels like it is. 

I feel completely enveloped in Too Much right now. Even if too much is good things!

I have amazing friends and I’m starting to find my niche in the Calgary community (slow boil, but we getting there). I get to visit people I love this summer and celebrate love TWICE with people I care very much about. 

I got to take a sick day yesterday! I was so sick, and I’ve never had a paid sick day ever in my life and that was cool even though I felt disgustingly guilty for taking it in my second week at a new job. 

I am so smitten it is dumb. It makes me dumb cause I sometimes ignore what I should be doing and that adds to the shitstorm of Too Muchness.

It’s all temporary. The cold will go away. The show will close. The ankle will (hopefully) heal. The job will end.

The sink might be the death of me though. It really might.

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