Birthdays and New Years always tend to make me contemplative, but they’re also very busy.
My birthday aligns closely with the new year, to the point where I’ve started to see them as one and the same. Similarly, both of these dates tend to carry a lot of weight. We put a lot of pressure on having a good birthday, an exciting New Year’s Eve. High pressure days that tend to disappoint more than satisfy.
As midnight struck, marking the switch from 2023 to 2024, I found myself incredibly emotional. 2023 was not the year I thought it was. It was the year I gave up on two jobs that I had very high hopes for. I turned 30. I had fun, certainly, but overall the year was marked with heaviness, with anxieties, tension and a lot of upper respiratory infections.
I cried at midnight because I was so relieved that the year was over. Obviously, we have the power to change our circumstances at any time. But midnight on December 31 has always felt like the best time to decide to make big waves, big changes.
I cried out of relief, and mourning for a year that I thought was going to be transformational for me. Transformational, it was, but certainly not in the ways I foresaw.
I’ve started a new year, a new age (31!) so far with a sense of quiet, tentative optimism. I think, I hope that amazing things are on the horizon. That the same old hustle and bustle is coming to an end. That I can truly work hard and play hard and feel rewarded. That I’ll have the energy required to sustain (and create or develop?) strong, enthusiastic and loving relationships with those around me. People who haven’t received my full presence of self in YEARS. People who I love, but I’m not close with. People who I haven’t yet had the opportunity to meet. I’m excited to throw this energy into human beings rather than anxieties, for they definitely deserve it more.
I’m breathing in tropical air beside someone I love, with flute music in the background, and life seems exceptionally sweet. I want to keep this energy throughout the year, and hopefully beyond that.
